Ever feel that wave of dread just before leading a live session?
Your heart’s racing.
Your brain’s buzzing.
You’re suddenly convinced you’ve forgotten everything—
…and it’s showtime.
I have! Even after leading hundreds of live online sessions, I still get nervous.
I remember one session early on—I was so anxious I forgot to take people off mute.
I kept asking questions and wondering why no one was responding. I powered through for 10 minutes before I realized my mistake.
My anxiety had totally hijacked my awareness (and my ability to find the unmute button 🤦♀️).
🎢 When nerves hijack you
That’s what anxiety can do:
- Your mouth goes dry
- Your brain fogs over
- You blank out on what someone just said
- You start racing through your content just to survive
Sound familiar? You are definitely not alone.
In fact, researchers have found that fear of speaking in front of groups is the #1 phobia—ahead of death, spiders, and heights.
And leading a live session? That’s public speaking on steroids.
You’re speaking while tracking the chat, reading the vibe, watching the clock, juggling tech, and managing breakout rooms.
No wonder the nerves show up!
🌊 The reframe that changed everything
For years, I thought my goal was to eliminate nerves.
And I remember coming across this quote by mindfulness pioneer Jon Kabat-Zinn (h/t Carolyn Ellis):
“You can’t control the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
That was my aha! moment.
I accepted that feeling nervous is completely normal.
In fact research shows that few nerves are a good thing. It’s the same energy that sharpens your focus and gives you presence.
The real shift comes when you stop trying to fight your nerves, and instead learn to harness them.
You set the emotional tone for your session.
If you show up frazzled, your group feels that. If you show up calm and grounded, they feel safe—and ready to engage.
✅ 5 ways to work with your nerves before you go live
I find that what you do before you click start makes all the difference. That’s when you can turn fear into fuel.
Most of these tips come from public speaking research, but I’ve adapted them for leading online sessions:
1️⃣ 👋 Acknowledge it
Communications Expert Matt Abrahams from Stanford says naming your nerves keeps them from sweeping you away.
A small act of mindfulness that helps you steady yourself.
2️⃣ ✨Breathe
Voice expert Carolyn Goyder calls breath the secret to confidence because it calms the nervous system.
Try this – Inhale for 4, exhale for 8.
Slow your breath, slow your heart, slow your pace. Your group will feel that grounded calmness too.
3️⃣ 💡Calibrate
In Lead Conversations That Count, leadership coach Carolyn Ellis shares the idea of “calibration”—checking your mindset, energy, and presence before you lead.
Ask: “How am I showing up today? What intention do I want to bring?”
It’s like finding your balance on the surf board.
4️⃣ ♻️Reframe
The folks at Ultraspeaking suggest shifting the expectations you put on yourself.
Instead of:
❌ “I’m going to bomb this.”
Try:
✅ “I’m excited to connect with this group.”
This shifts your brain from threat mode to opportunity mode.
5️⃣ 💪 Practice & Prepare
Harvard Exec Ed coach Marjorie North says one of the best ways to calm nerves is simple: prepare.
For live sessions, that means:
✔️ Do a dry run
✔️ Test your tech
✔️ Plan for hiccups
✔️ Review your notes
✔️ Check your timing
✔️ Know your audience
Preparation frees your attention so you can ride the waves of the session, not get pulled under.
Your nerves aren’t a flaw to fix. They’re energy you can focus. Once you learn to ride that wave, it becomes your advantage. 🌊
Over to you…
What helps you harness your nerves before leading a live session?
(And if your answer is “I just wing it and sweat through it”… hey, that’s valid too 😅)
Hit reply and tell me more!
This Week’s Facilitator Finds 💪
In this section, you’ll find curated events, resources, tips, and tools that I’ve found super valuable — and I think you will too!
📚Priya Parker’s new Substack Group Life – plus her first substack live with husband Anand Giridharadas.
💪 HBR’s Every Team Needs a Super Facilitator – a powerful piece by Stanford Psych Prof Jamil Zaki.
✍️ Newsletter coaching. My friend Jen Vermet has been writing her weekly Letters from a learn-it-all for over five years. She was my accountability partner when I started The Quest. She now coaches others who want to start their own newsletter. Book a discovery call with her here.
💌 Thanks for reading The Quest
I always love hearing your feedback and suggestions. Just hit reply to share your thoughts and ideas.
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Creatively yours,
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👉5-week Live Online Course. The Breakthrough Facilitation course gives you tools, personalized feedback, and a proven framework for designing and leading high-engagement live sessions. Join the interest list and be the first to get the next cohort dates and discounts.
